Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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