ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
