garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
