I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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