I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We named our party play list daddy issues
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Randomize
