She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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