I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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