Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
