Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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