sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
