you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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