I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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