the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His nipple licking is glorious
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