how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
