You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
