Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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