I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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