she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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