I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
