I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We are two peas in an std pod
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize