About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
