I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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