apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
