That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
