All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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