To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
