I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
