Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize