what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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