Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
