It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize