you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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