My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
