It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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