You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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