i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
