thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
