Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
