I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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