he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
