Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
