omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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