Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
