My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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