i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
