Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
