I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
