I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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