Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
