dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
