Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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