Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
