I need to stop coming to work sober
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
