Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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