people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
