she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
