What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
