I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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