I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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