if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
