K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
