WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am one with the molecules
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
