Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
ok first of all what the fuck
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