Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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