i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize