I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
