I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
