Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We named our party play list daddy issues
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Someone came in the potted fern
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
