I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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