Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
